Effectively Managing Conflict
Conflict within an organization is as inevitable as breathing. It will happen whether you want it to or not!
Whenever you have two or more people together, they will see the world differently and that means conflict. In fact, if you do not have conflict, you either have group think where people feel unable or uncomfortable disagreeing with each other or one or both parties stuff their emotions. Neither situation creates a healthy relationship, organization, or bottom line as no one can grow or change.
As a precursor to effectively managing conflict, you must create a culture that encourages open and honest disagreement, not “fights,” but one that encourages people to voice their thoughts and opinions, even if they run counter to others’. Constructive disagreement creates healthy organizations and relationships; name calling and personal attacks do not. Even if you do not hold a position of authority in your organization or workgroup, you can create an environment that encourages others to speak to you honestly and openly so that they will approach you before a problem or question becomes a full-blown conflict. If you “punish” – in word or deed – people for speaking out, they will quickly learn to keep quiet.
Every conflict has three stages – identifying the issue, creating and implementing solutions, and evaluating the solutions. When conflict erupts – or you feel discontent rising either in yourself or another, confront it early to try to manage it rather than let it get out of control.
Stage 1: Identify the issues ... the real issues. Conflicts revolve around one of three things – differences of perception, differences of fact, or differences of opinions or values. Identifying where your real conflict lies can help you quickly find the underlying issue or issues, which often differs from the precipitating event or action. Are you really angry that your co-worker once again failed to make coffee after drinking the last cup? Maybe, or maybe you feel disrespected that he or she feels entitled to the coffee without returning the favor.
To truly identify the issue, both parties have to share their side of the story. Active listening, perception checking, and using I-messages can help you move beyond the “he said-she said” – or “I say-you say” to find the underlying disagreement. Only by resolving that underlying issue will you move past the conflict. Otherwise, it will keep rearing its ugly head, often without the other party even understanding its offending behavior and having the chance to correct or explain it.
Stage 2: Identify Solutions. Once you identify the issue, you can move to the solution or management stage. Sometimes identifying the issues will immediately lead to a resolution. That is, many conflicts arise from a misperception; once both parties have shared perceptions, the conflict goes away. “I didn’t realize that you felt put upon when I don’t remake the coffee; I’ll start to do so.” The same resolution occurs with a conflict of fact; once you share the data that resolves the factual conflict, it goes away. Because we hold our opinions and values so closely, often those become the most challenging to resolve and may require that we agree to disagree and move on with a better understanding of the other person. Often resolving these conflicts actually leads to deeper relationships and more trust in the other person as we get to know them better.
If a resolution or understanding does not emerge as the two parties discuss the problem, you might need a facilitator or mediator. A skilled facilitator will not interject his or her opinion but ask guided questions to help each person discuss their side of the issue openly and to encourage them to suggest possible solutions. This stage has the goal to find a common solution with which both parties can live.
However, some conflicts do not lend themselves to compromise. In these cases, it becomes incumbent on each person to evaluate the value of the relationship; they may decide the best resolution comes by ending the relationship. In the workplace, you may decide – or request – to not work with the person or otherwise change your working relationship. Perhaps harboring some resentment over the coffee hog does not hurt your relationship with them so you let it drop. Or if you have to work with the person and they will not change their behavior, you make a mental note of their selfishness and decide to maintain a cordial working relationship and move on. In extreme cases, a manager may decide that one person’s values do not coincide with the organization’s and end that relationship through termination. If you work for the coffee hog and you decide you do not want to work with that type of person, you may decide to move on. We always hope that we can find a resolution that does not require such extreme steps, but that does not always happen.
Step 3: Follow up. Once the conflict has found its managed conclusion, both parties – and sometimes the manager – need to follow up to ensure that the identified solutions got implemented and solved the issue. If not, they may need to find new solutions.
Throughout all three steps, effective conflict management requires that we recognize and control the strong emotions that tend to emerge when disagreeing with another person. Conflicts often feel very personal. Let’s face it, no one likes to be wrong. However, strong emotions do not lead to successful conflict management, so we need to mitigate their impacts as best we can. To do so, do not engage in conflict when angry or feeling other strong emotions. If you must, walk away and continue the conversation when you have calmed down.
By applying appropriate conflict management strategies, you can more effectively guide conflicts toward positive resolutions that strengthen your relationships and improve organizational dynamics.
