How To See Things from Others’ Perspective
I spent the holidays with my family in Hilton Head, South Carolina, for two glorious weeks of sun, beach, and relaxation. I highly recommend it!
The South Carolina coast offers quite fickle January weather. We have walked the beach while snow flurries floated through the palm trees and got sunburned in 80-degree heat. This year the temperatures stayed primarily in the 50s and 60s, or about average.
Walking the beach in 60-degree weather shows how very differently people experience life. We saw people frolicking in the water in their bikinis, soaking up the rays in shorts and a t-shirt, walking along the beach in pants and light coats, and bundled up with winter coats, scarves, gloves, and stocking caps.
Who’s right? Everyone. Each person brings his or her own perspective on whether 60 degrees qualifies as “hot,” “warm,” or “cold.” This perspective comes from their lived experiences. For someone coming from South Miami, 60 probably feels pretty cold. For someone from northern Minnesota, it probably feels pretty good, perhaps 100-degrees warmer than when they left! Both have judged the objective reality (60-degree heat) through their own lens and experiences to arrive at the conclusion that works for them.
In these divisive times, realizing that we each bring our own experiences can make more satisfying interactions and relationships.
How can you begin to see things from others’ perspective? Try the following:
Suspend immediate judgement. Easier said than done as our brain’s hardwiring craves consistency and predictability. Imagine if we questioned every little decision we make in a day; nothing else would get done! Instead, the brain jumps to what it knows and tells you to act accordingly. The South Miami person’s brain tells them to wear a coat on a “cold” 60 day, while the Minnesotan’s brain loves the heat! Next time you immediately start to judge someone who acts differently than you – or swims in the ocean on a 60-degree day, stop and ask yourself why they might act the way they do. And recognize that “different” does not always mean wrong.
Ask questions to seek understanding. Don’t cross examine them or play “gotcha” but ask questions that will allow you to better understand why they believe or act in a particular way. “Hey, where are you from? Miami? What temperature are you used to in January?” When you have an open, honest conversation about their experiences, you also deepen your relationship with the person while learning more about yourself and the world around you.
Listen. In addition to asking good questions, really listen to what they say without automatically trying to frame your response. When you really listen, you can begin to understand.
Expand your experiences. Your perspectives come from your experiences so to the extent you can, challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone to experience other cultures, places, and people. If you can’t travel, read or watch television shows or movies about something new to you.
Recognizing that people bring their own perspective to each situation can help you see things from others’ points of view, minimizing conflict or helping to resolve one once it begins.
